April 3, 2009

When is a push more of a shove?

I've always been one to really push the limits in a lot of different ways. Starting this week, extending on to April 19, a lot of deadlines will be met. I turned in my portfolio on Tuesday; we had state testing this week, and then the marathon. Yesterday was a real wake-up call about how my pushing is more of shoving.

A lot of times, I lack self-confidence in my running and in my looks. That is no secret. One thing I am very confident about is my teaching. I know that Room 9A's "got it goin' on." I teach at a school labeled in "poverty" with 87% qualifying for free government meals. With that is the stereotype that these students can't excel the way students from higher incomes do. One thing I pride myself on, is that I push my students to reach their full potential. I have seen many students overcome some pretty big obstacles of learning. Fortunately, our school's test scores have ranked up there with the big dogs for the past 3 years. This has not come without effort.

The kids and my coworkers will tell you how hard I push the kids. The thing is, I love them, too. I teach them in a fun way, but I do push them. We began testing Monday and continued through today. Wednesday morning, we had the longest test- three hours. During the test, a few of the kids raised their hands and asked me for help, which we were not allowed to give them. This alone is heart-breaking b/c during regular lessons, I NEVER refuse to help the children. Back to the story.

Thursday, after a tiring Wednesday, One of my struggling readers raised his hand and asked me for help, which I obviously had to refuse. He then began to cry. He said, "I just don't understand." It was at that moment, I realized the extent of my pushing. This boy wanted it so bad and he just couldn't get it! I had pushed him to the feeling of failure.

One amazing this about children is that they are resilient. Seriously, after a few minutes of coaching and talking, the boy had his mojo back and all was well. I then walked around the classroom analyzing the whole situation. I wanted to punch myself in the face for the pressure I had put on these children. It's no wonder, though. I put more pressure on myself. I will try to hold the conversation I had with the sweet boy in my memory for days when I feel like I have failed. It went something like this:

Him: I just don't understand.
Me: I know. I really, really wish I could help you. Just do your best.
Him: (still crying, not saying anything)
Me: Listen, just do your very, very best, and that's all anyone is asking of you. You are smart in so many things; this is just a hard part of the test. Remember how well you did in math yesterday? This test is not the end of the world. I know I've made it seem like a big deal. I just wanted you guys to try hard.
Him: Can I skip this one?
Me: Yes. Why don't you go on to the next one and see if you can get that.
Him: Okay (tears are drying now)

So, people- when I am downing myself next week or month or whenever, remind me of this post and the pressure I put on myself and those special to me.

8 comments:

  1. God bless you, Miss LAR! You are one heckuva woman! I could just hug that student of yours... and you too.

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  2. Those kids are definitely lucky to have you!

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  3. not being able to help during those dumb test is truly heartbreaking! i know exactly what you mean.

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  4. Aw, so sweet. I agree, lucky kids to have you.

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  5. Ugh. My daughter takes the CRCT test at the end of April. I really hope if she has a freak out her teacher can give an equally good pep talk to her.

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  6. This was a VERY interesting post. At first I thought it was going to be one of those domestic abuse "I didnt hit her/him, I pushed..." type of posts... I am SO guilty of this with my son. I want him to be the brightest that he can be, and sometimes I feel like I shove him. I was reading at age 3, and he's 6 and just starting to read. I have to learn to push and not shove. All that is needed is a little "PEP TALK" and its all good *hint hint*

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  7. What an awesome post. I look up to you as a runner and now can only hope my daughters can find a teacher like you. You are amazing!

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  8. You're a saint. And quite a role model (and not just for kids).

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