In review, I ran 3,056 miles last year, that being in only 11 months. I was out all of Jan. b/c of the dreaded achilles tendon. I ran 30 races- 16 wins, 1 DNF. I did NOT have a strong marathon last year, but I'm actually okay with that. I really think 2011 was a GREAT year for my running, even though I don't have shiny PRs to show for it. I ran many weeks over 100 miles and was very pleased as to how my body held up. I do have a pretty dang good ultra to show for my efforts- winning overall in my first attempt at the distance.
When thinking about 2012, I had all these great goals and resolutions to blog about. That was until Friday- wow, what a day. I was scheduled to close on my house in Mayberry at 1:00, but before that I had my yearly "girl doctor" check-up. *Sidenote- what was I thinking? Planning to see my ex AND the girl doctor in the same day? I really AM a glutton for punishment! So, I went to the appointment that morning feeling very preoccupied about the closing. After the exam, the worst thing happened- the doctor came back. Within about 10 minutes, she had used all kinds of scary words- biopsy, surgery, healing, resting, etc. I'm a fairly modest person; so I won't go into very deep details, but the Cliff Notes read- I have some cysts and "spots" that have grown at an alarming rate over the past year. I will be having surgery to remove them (yes, more than one) the Thursday after the marathon. I really love my doctor. She is very open, honest, and to the point. It was like she was reading my mind and answered a few things before I had even asked.
Yes, they might be cancerous. They might also be just plain cysts.
Yes, I will have stitches "down there" and not be able to exercise (at all) for a week. She also said, "I know how you runners are; so I might be okay with 4 days."
I had in my mind I expected to feel like this incredible sense of freedom and success when I got the check for my half of the house. I don't know if it was b/c of my doctor's news, or what, but when I got the check, I felt... sad. I can't really explain it, but it definitely solidifies the fact that money doesn't buy happiness. I didn't feel sad b/c of my ex, exactly, more just sad that life hadn't turned out like I wanted. (I know, boo-hoo, it never does.) I felt sad that I had wasted an entire decade in a relationship that wasn't respected mutually. And, I also felt a huge sense of loss b/c, well, I want to have babies. And now, I'm 33 and who knows, what if this IS cancer? Not to be Debbie Downer, but I surely don't have luck on my side. And I have to face the facts that the haste in my doctor's surgery request is a bit alarming. I also have to be realistic that I've had female issues before, and now this, and now I'm getting older...
I'm just kind of sad. Luckily, I had a really good NYE and b-day. My friends and TP never stop amazing me with the way they treat me. I'm very blessed in that area. And Houston is coming up very soon. Frankly, I am kind of over wanting to run a fast marathon. Yes, I want to break 3 hours, but dang, I am sick of training. I have not enjoyed my last two long runs. I'm sick of being out there for so long. I'm tired of my toenails looking nasty, and I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of 3 a.m. and I'm tired of doubles. The forced days off will be a good thing, at least.
So... what do I have planned for 2012?
1. I don't have a single time goal that I want to break. Yep, nothing. I just want to improve. That could be in the form of PRs, or possibly winning a big race. I just want to have marked improvement as a runner. No more pressure.
2. I do have 2 ultras in mind- Run for Kids Trail Challenge (to defend my title) and Blackwater Trail 50K (new racing series here in the panhandle).
3. I'm doing another relay- Reach the Beach
4. And I'd like to add a state or two to my marathon list.
5. I REALLY want to work on flexibility. I did really well when I was injured- yoga, pilates, etc. Um, now I can't touch my toes. EEEEK! I've got to work on that.
5. I'm quitting my gym. I hate it. It's a meat market. It's a waste of money. I have weights, a bike trainer, and various exercise DVDs. There's also a very crappy treadmill here at the apartments that I could use if we had a hurricane or something, where I couldn't run outside.
Phew, this blog post has gone on long enough. Happy New Year and Run Happy!