So... let's back up to last weekend- Mullet Toss 5K on Labor Day. The new training partner and I decided on this race sort of last minute. I had done 22 the previous Saturday, and he had done 19, so we didn't exactly have fresh legs. And here is where my newbie mistakes shine on.
Monday morning I realized I had no food. I mean, eating for one is almost too easy, but can also get me in trouble w/ the absence of a regular grocery visit. I didn't even have bread for my usual PB and banana sandwich. I decided on some cereal w/ milk. Yeah, what the heck was I thinking? On the way over, I kept thinking, hmmm, my tummy doesn't feel right. We get there and learn that part of the course (1 mile) is on a dirt trail. Ugh, I hate dirty shoes. The course is also hilly.
So, we're off and already my stomach is doing some threatening rumbling and sloshing. At this point, I knew it was not going to be a good day. I had picked out my pacer ahead of time, an upper 18s guy, to follow. I stayed with him until the dirty trail and at this point, I was in pain, mixed with the constant throw up in my throat. Nice.
I hit the trail and was first female, so I decided to slow down a LOT. When faced w/ a slow race and an embarassing situation (throwing up on myself), I will choose a slow time. I death marched the next 2 miles. At 2.8ish, I had to stop, literally STOP during the race. Yep, only a 5K. I gagged and swallowed (Isn't that awesome?) and wondered why in the world I would think milk was okay on a HOT, sunny, racing morning.
Finish time 19:33, first female overall.
And, after the race, I did go behind the building and puke my absolute guts out. I thought I was pretty much private, but silly newpaper reporter followed me back there and stood there while I was heaving into the bushes. After that, she didn't even ask if I was okay, just went straight into her questions. LOL.
After the big vomit, I felt MUCH better. I felt so good, that I jogged the course for a cool down.
The best part of the day was afterwards. They had a festival going on and I THREW A FISH! Yep, 65 feet. Then went to a pool party for the Lower Alabama Runners. Aside from the race, it was an awesome day.
In regards to Wineglass. I am having some issues. I am really glad I spilled the beans about the big divorce b/c now I feel like I can talk about it a little bit, without beating around the bush. Back when K and I first had problems (a curvacious red-headed problem), I went through a vicious cycle of doing my easy runs too hard and using running as my emotional punching bag, so to speak. I completely botched my spring marathon that year, and at that point, felt like I had hit rock bottom. See, there are still times now that I do that EXACT same thing. It's like I know I am doing it, I can see myself killing it on the easy runs or not getting my head in the game or becomming too emotional, but I can't stop it. Someone once told me that getting divorced is worse than losing a spouse to death, and at the time I didn't believe that. I wouldn't say it is true now, but I do think it is likely equally as bad. While I could really go "Tiger Wood's Wife" on him, there is a feeling of tremendous loss there. I think as time goes on, the loss becomes bigger and the anger becomes smaller.
The main reason we divorced also plays a huge impact on my self-esteem. I have always struggled w/ low self-esteem, so I can't totally blame his decision making, but his choices definitely haven't helped the situation. I still wake up every day and ask myself, "Why them and not me?" Why was I not good enough? What about me made him so unhappy that he had to go find happiness with someone else? I spent 9 years with someone as my #1 person, only to find out not only was I not able to make him happy, but to not even be worthy of simple honor and respect in the relationship.
And there it is, the reason I sometimes kill my easy runs, the reason I sometimes can't focus on key workouts. The reason I feel doubts about Sub 3 at Wineglass.
Okay, I totally didn't mean to get all Debby Downer there, b/c honestly I am really, really making progress and moving on! Seriously! I am fine, getting happy again, and chugging along. Here are some pictures from the Mullet Toss to prove it!