June 23, 2010

"I'm All Discombobulated!"

This is something my dad has been saying recently, and my mom and I think it's pretty hilarious, given his current circumstances. You might say it's mean to laugh at that, but really, if you knew my dad, you would appreciate that, too. (I'm sure I just broke some grammar rule w/ all those commas.)

My dad varies in his daily conversation- alternating b/w reality and fantasy land. When talking to me on the phone the other day, he asked about my running. (All of his calls are unmonitored by Mom now.) He said, "So, are you still running really fast between first and second base?" I just couldn't help but to laugh. Yeah, it really does FEEL like that sometimes, actually.

Anyway, even after TWENTY, yes 20, marathons, I still feel like a newbie. I'm not really sure why, exactly, but something about the marathon always makes me scratch my head and wonder. The pieces of race preparation fit together like a 1000 piece puzzle.

Here are some thoughts on my training, tapering, and current mental status (hahahah). I feel like I had a solid, but not ideal training cycle. By my standards, a training cycle doesn't feel complete without at least ONE 100, or even 90 mile week. *SIDE NOTE- I know that is completely absurd, so go ahead and tell me that I need a white coat and a padded room. Also, I usually like to throw in at least a 22-24 miler for good measure. Neither of those things happened this time. But... onto the good.

I really feel like I've loosened the reins on myself recently. I've learned the tighter you try to control every little moment of your life, the harder the fall. The harder you try to be perfect, or just appear to be perfect, the more you fail at it. Perfect does not exist. Sure, I feel flawed, but who doesn't? And, who isn't? Isn't the past the thing that molds us into stronger/better/more humble people? It took me a while to come to this, or maybe just to admit it, but I actually feel relieved and less stressed since the Big D (yeah, not so ready that I actually want to type the word out, but... baby steps). Even though I haven't talked to Speedy Anna in awhile, I think about her often and sometimes a few words of wisdom echo in my ears. We were on an early morning 10 miler once, and were discussing goal weights, etc. She said, "You don't need to lose weight; you need to lose toxic energy." She likely doesn't even remember that, but it's something I've held on to for well over a year. And... I think it's finally taken hold.

So, onto Seattle- toxins no more! I wouldn't say that I feel all giddy and ready to jump on board to throw down 6:52s for 26.2, but I do feel relaxed. I'm hoping that goes a long way. I've had so many "life experiences" over the past year that I really don't even feel like the same person, and that may not necessarily be a bad thing. So, maybe that's why I feel like a newbie?

My taper is going smoothly. I've had no aches or pains, and I've been stretching and *trying* to sleep more. I'm also going to give the Aussie Carbo Load another chance. Here's the plan-

I've chosen to do a depletion for 3 days, which I started Monday. Through my reading, this part revealed conflicting opinions. The depletion route has a longer history, which is why I chose it. That *might* be silly, but had to decide some way! Thursday I will eat normally, and Friday will be a total carb load, like I did for San Antonio, but this time I WILL meet my carb goal. I've done the math, too, and plan to stick to it as closely as possible. The fact that I ran only 2 minutes off PR in San Antonio when it was BLAZING hot and I caught a cramp says *something* for the Aussie Plan. Also, Friday morning will include a short, but sweet easy run/speed burst. Looking back, I did this-
1.3 miles warm up, 0.6 @ 5:40 pace, 30 seconds all out, 1.3 miles cool down.

Can I also say that I am totally geeked out about the weather? It is going to be in the 50s for the start!!!!! I haven't run in that weather since February! I'm really excited to feel what that's like again.

Mostly, I am really, really excited to experience Seattle.

And... neither of my parents will be tracking my progress. The reason is that my dad is coming home Saturday morning!!!!!! I don't think this is luck. Over the past year I've lost so much of my own faith. Through that, it had become very difficult for me to pray genuine prayers. (Okay, that sounded pretty stupid, but maybe some Christian will understand that somewhere.) That's where my friends and family come in- prayers were answered! He is leaving the rehab center almost 4 weeks ahead of schedule. While his journey is nowhere near over, I can really look at the past 5 weeks and see how far he's come! (Kind of like the Rob Thomas song.) And, just when I thought God wasn't listening to me, I sort of learned that maybe unanswered prayers will be blessings down the road. Ahhhh... it feels so good to believe that!

So, run strong, everyone! ;)

10 comments:

  1. the 50s are going to make you feel like a new woman. that's PERFECT weather and how refreshing when it's been nothing but in the 100s recently. rob thomas...his music gets me running so fast. thankful for answered prayers and we'll keep praying as your dad enters a new phase of recovery at home.

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  2. you just seem so at peace right now. i want your secret ;) you are going to rock seattle hardcore. can't wait to hear how you do :)

    50* weather? that is just heavenly!

    and your dad sounds like he's making leaps and bounds in recovery. such an awesome thing. i'll keep sending t&ps his way

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  3. I'm so excited to hear that your dad is improving so quickly. I wish you the best of luck on Saturday.

    I don't think there is anyone out there who prays who doesn't feel like they are going through the motions sometimes, but (IMHO) the fact that you stuck with it through the hard times- even when you felt disconnected- is the important thing.

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  4. OMG, after the soup you've been running in, those temps are going to give you supernatural powers. I remember what it feels like when summer ends and you get temps like that, it's amazing! And don't be giving so much credit to the carb load last time, it could be you, you know. :-)

    And really, what does it matter if you didn't get a 90 or a 100 this time, your body can't tell the difference, only your brain can. Same for the 22-24s, you've logged so many of those things in your life, it ain't no big deal. What you get for this is being a better rested woman and that ain't nothing to sneeze at.

    Yay on your dad coming home. Super happy for you. Will wish you good luck for the weekend as it comes closer. Scratch that. GOOD LUCK!!!!!

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  5. Oh my goodness, that's great news about your dad! Yaaay!

    I think there's a lot to be had in training cycles that don't go quite as we had planned. Don't think of it as being undertrained but rather... well-rested. I broke my foot in May and had zero expectations for the fall - and I had my best cross-country season to date that year. I think previous years of consistency count a lot.

    Good luck in Seattle! The weather sounds like it will be a real treat :)

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  6. I'm stoked for you that your Dad's coming home, and that you're really in a good place yourself going into the race. You've done the right things in training to have a good race, and being okay with knowing that you can't control every last detail only improves your odds for a great race.

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  7. I'm inspired by reading your blog. I have my own life's struggles and it is inspiring to read as you pull through what life has to bring. Thank you!

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  8. That line about losing the toxic energy is pure gold. I'm so excited for you, not least of all because you're headed for Seattle to own that racin'. That city holds such an allure to me! It's going to be amazing :)

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  9. +a billion on the toxic energy. That can weigh more and a VW bus tied around your waste.
    So happy about your dad coming home and totally excited about Seattle for you, it's a great city and I know you'll have a great race.

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  10. I just looked up your results, CONGRATULATIONS! A 2 minute PR is fantastic and it from the splits it looks like you ran it perfectly. Hope you're as excited as I am for you :)

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