February 16, 2010

Boomerang- I'm injured.

Let's hope life is like a boomerang. I've always heard the ol' saying, "If you truly love something/someone, love it/them enough to let go when it's time." Hhhmmm, is that true in ALL situations? I have really tried to think hard about that recently. In the area of running, I am injured. Yep, full-blown, not-running, injured. It started w/ the hip/groin thingie that wouldn't go away. Now I am more worried about this puffy/ouchie place on my ankle of the opposite leg. This is likely caused by altered gait of the groin pain side. Yes, I've been injured before, and it stinks. I'm attempting to let go of all plans and aspirations I have for my running future. Not that they are totally worthless, but nothing good can come of focusing on those right now. Speedy Anna has taught me so much, but one of the most important things she's talked to me about recently is "freeing my mind." Basically stop trying to control things you can't. I can only help my situation by resting right now, and waiting for what the dr. has to say. Can I share some personal stuff now? I assume you are all runners, so you MIGHT understand this twisted way of thinking.

In my regular, everyday life, I feel like running is the only thing that sets me apart from the Average Joe. And I don't like average. Not that I am anything super-spectacular at running, but it was my 'thing' that no one else in this town has. So, when that goes awry, I go awry. Also, in the past year or so, I've gripped on to running so I didn't have to face my real-life problems. Silly, I know. Now that running is not there, well... I feel... hollow.

I'm trying to get okay with whatever news I get from the ortho Thursday. I'm actually thinking the worst b/c I really can't bear anymore disappointments. If I know it's bad, and the news isn't SO bad, then that will be better. Right? (Um, was that sentence comprehensible?) As not to be total Debbie Downer, I will say that my logical side tells me these things:

I have been injured before, and have taken as much as 9 weeks off running. I have bounced back from it, and gone on to EVENTUALLY PR again.

I need this time to focus on my track team. Our first meet is fast approaching!

Most importantly, I have to believe that God has a plan for me. I'm assuming that plan doesn't include me being a total Life Fail forever. Just like runners should trust their training plan, I should trust God's plan. I will admit, that I am so doubtful of God's plan right now. I have gone through more crap in the past year than I would wish on an ax murder. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and wonder, what did I do wrong? Of course, none of us really deserve chocolate and PRs all the time. Those are God's BLESSINGS. They are gifts. Society often teaches us that we automatically deserve those things, and many Christians believe we can EARN those things. I'm hoping that there's a balance between those two thoughts and sometimes you just have to go through crap, not a punishment, not a reward, just life.

So for now, I'll just focus on OTHER things that make me happy. So, how do you work this eliptical thingie?

18 comments:

  1. Aw, so sorry to hear about your injury! I always wonder about that phrase, "if you love something let it go".. I don't know if I believe it. I'm sure this is just a small mis step in your running and you'll be back in no time! Good luck!

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  2. i tend to anticipate the worse too so i totally understand. i also understand about the average joe thing. i feel the same way in my circle of peers. i totally empathize but remember that you are more than running (and very spectacular in those other ways too).

    major bummer about the injury. i'll be sending good healing vibes your way.

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  3. Sorry to hear and I hope it's not as bad as you think. On a related note, the elliptical isn't all that bad. I've been using it for a few months in my recovery.

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  4. Wow, you are so NOT average, and that's part of why you'd think only that one thing, running, is what makes you special. To think the effect you have on so many people, the kids you teach and now the kids you coach, it's an important thing you do.

    I'm so sorry to hear you're injured, but whatever it is will resolve itself, hopefully with very little time lost, too. In the meantime, hugs and love and may the excitement of track season help you focus outside your current situation. In the meantime, know that you are special in about a zillion different ways.

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  5. First of all, I am sending lots and lots of positive, healing vibes your way. You are a fabulous, kind, gorgeous, giving, intelligent individual and you deserve all the best. I am karmically sending you some awesome vibes. :)

    As for needing to have control over everything, all I can tell you is that you're not alone. I struggle with the same thing and it's really hard. But the truth is, you can't control everything and THAT'S OK.

    And you have not, are not, never have been a life fail. It's all ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end. There is more waiting for you. Hang in there...there is a light at the end of the tunnel (and I promise, it's not a train ;))

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  6. I'm gonna agree with GIM, you're not average. Not even close.

    And I understand how you feel about being injured. It sucks. Sometimes the mental is the worst part, I'm coming through the other side of that right now.
    Remember:
    The only way through it is through it.
    Trust the process.

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  7. I feel your pain. I too have a hip/groin that will not go away and have gone to prolotherapy for it. I'll write more when I get the chance but in the meantime, I will post more info on the subject on my blog momentarily. Again, I care about you and want you to know that I am here for you if you want to talk about anything.
    2 Tim 4:7

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  8. I'm so sorry to hear you're injured, but I have to agree with everyone that you are not a life fail. You do so much for the kids in your classroom and for the kids on your track team. Will you ever get the recognition you deserve for those things? Probably not. But that doesn't mean they aren't worthwhile.

    Everyone struggles through things in life, and struggling doesn't make you weak or worthless- it tests you and makes you stronger. You can and will handle it, but keep your mind open that maybe this isn't some kind of punishment being heaped on you that you have to suffer through. Maybe there is a lesson in this or something good will come out of it. Sending you virtual hugs while you wait for the news on Thursday.

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  9. You are such an inspiration, and not just for what you do during a race. It's what you do everyday. yes, your a runner and a damn good one, but your also a teacher, a coach, and a mentor.

    Take the time you need to get well, and like before you will come back with some killer PR's

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  10. Hang in there trooper!

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  11. I agree with everyone else you aren't "just a runner". You are so many more things. Sorry to hear about the injury. I will be thinking healing thoughts for you. I was sidelined last year during my half marathon training. I ended up being on crutches for a good week and off running completely for two weeks and then very slowly back at it but I got through it. You will too. Keep your chin up and the elliptical isn't that bad. I actually cross train on mine once a week.

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  12. You are far from average Rebecca and I hope you realize that, but I definitely agree that running provides that special something. Words can't describe it, but I would guess that most runners can feel it. As Henry David Thoreau put it, “I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...."

    I hope you heal quickly and can resume to chasing your dreams. Maybe now is the time to face those real life problems that running has shielded you from dealing with. I think they have affected your running more than you realize. I wish you the best!

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  13. Aww, I'm sorry to hear that and I understand the feeling of not being completely 'you' when injured. But, and maybe this is just a function of what you decide to post about so I apologize if I am totally off base, but in reading your blog it hasn't sounded like running has been a source of joy for you lately. I really hope than when you are able to come back you can find happiness in the process regardless of what the watch says.

    And you know, my family, my co-workers, my friends all have things that they're good at, whether it's knowing random factoids, computer skills, being kind to strangers, and things that they're actually kind of terrible at, and so do I. I suppose if you took all of our talents and weaknesses into account in rendering judgment it would make all of us pretty average, but it's not such a bad thing, because nobody seems average once you really get to know them. Running might be the most important for you of all the things you're above-average at, but I guarantee your friends could name quite a few others.

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  14. Hey R--

    My heart goes out to you and I am truly sorry this has happened. I know I have been busy and what not, but I wanted you to know I just saw this and I wish I was there to give you a hug. No words can describe this 'feeling' of let down, only a runner knows...

    You will be in my thoughts--I know you are strong person and a fighter and I am hundred percent sure you will come back and kick some serious asphalt.

    Healing vibes sent your way, my friend. <<<>>>

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  15. Just have to echo GIM, et al, and say you are far from average! You are a wonderful, caring, thoughtful person, and you positively impact the lives of many children, not just by educating them, but by being a good influence in their lives. So there. :)

    Anyway, SO sorry to hear about the injury, but you sound like you have perspective on this situation. I know you'll be just fine. I hope you can update soon with results from the doc...I think your strategy of assuming the worst so that bad news can be "good" news makes perfect sense.

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  16. Sorry to hear about the injury. Get well, then get better. "Runner" definitely becomes an identity, so when you can't run, you're not yourself.

    And do write about those other things that bring you happiness. It's a great way to be reminded of all the good things in your life besides running.

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  17. Let's see...

    Amazing teacher who cares about each of her students and goes beyond what is expected to serve her school.

    Selfless volunteer with Habitat.

    Dedicated track coach who inspires kids to run with all their heart, and breaks barriers as a female head coach.

    Source of encouragement and fabulous advice to her RWOL friends.

    Smart, beautiful, sincere, independent, and tons of fun.

    See? With or without running, there is nothing "Average Joe" about you. I promise!

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  18. Oh no! I'm so sorry that you are injured Rebecca. I understand your feeling of loss without running because you are amazing at it. You are such an inspiration and running godess to me.

    I can't say anything that will make it better, espeically since I freak out when stuff like this happens to me. I can only remind you that you are one the greatest runners. And just like Deena, Paula, Kara and others, they have all have had injuries and come back with amazing results. It still sucks since there is never a great time to be injured. It's good that you will be able to focus on your track team to keep your mind and spirit still in running while you recover.

    You want to chat, gripe, ramble, anything you have my email. I'm here for you. Your blog, comments, emails have been there for me many times and I would be happy to help you feel better even it's just to listen. ***hugs***

    CJ

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