June 12, 2013

"Wowzers!" Runners Say

Actually, I only know one other person on Earth that says "Wowzers," and that's one of my college running buddies, Jan. It's probably my favorite word. It can be used in the positive or negative, and depending on how you say it, carry good or bad undertones. So, WOWZERS!

After deleting my Heavy Betty post, (See, I said that I would delete it.) I decided to do a little post prompted by one of my besties. (I won't call her out on this blog because she's a "professional" and all. LOL.) This post is all about the funny stuff said and done on runs. Hopefully you can identify with a few of these, or at least get a laugh at our expense.

We talk about poop.
Occasionally, I go through really bad phases with my stomach. You know what means... Until about a year ago, I really had no clue about fiber. Stupid, huh? During a 9 mile run where Sam, Court, and I had already stopped 2 times for me to use the restroom, Sam started asking me what I had eaten that day. After listing my foods, she and Courtney just started laughing uncontrollably. It seems as though I had eaten enough fiber for a week or more! Wowzers. Haha, lesson learned. And now anytime ANY of us have a bathroom stop, Sam giggles and asks what we ate that day. DOH!

We talk about "female stuff."
It's usually the typical comments like, "Holy Moses, I am so bloated I can hardly wear these running shorts." Or we laugh because EVERY SYMPTOM EVER is a side effect of pregnancy. So, if the period is one day late and we have a headache, CLEARLY we are pregnant. It gets way more graphic than this, and I will spare all of you.

Wowzers, I fall A.LOT.
The best was when I fell 3 times in 3 weeks. And if you have been reading this blog awhile, you know that I don't just fall, I wipe out. At first the falling wasn't funny. I busted so hard on the hill route once that it really scared the others. And it hurt- BAD. The next week, Sam, Keith, and I were doing a race pretty close to my old apartment, so I decided to warm up from there. I fell. Imagine their surprise (or maybe not) when I showed up all bloody with a torn shirt. LOL. The very next week, I busted at the skating rink and nearly cried in front of my students from being in so much pain. And then there's the time that I slipped in mud and fell against an entrance gate. Wowzers, you get the idea. Anytime now there is the slightest dip or anything in the road, they point and call my name. Ha.

We're cheerleaders, only much faster.
Sam and I like to match. Yep, and a lot of times we don't even plan it. It's a running joke that people outside our close running group get us confused. They will cheer the wrong name at races, etc. We like to mess with their heads and dress alike. This past winter, we pulled off dressing exactly alike from head to toe, socks and shoes included. It was awesome. We have another planned for this Saturday. We like cuteness and BeDazzle. Sorry, it is what it is. Courtney planned a new route for us once, one close to her house. We cut through the golf course and tried to cut through a residential area. Unfortunately, the gate was locked. Courtney insisted we could climb the brick wall to get over it. So she, being the new college grad, basically scales the wall in less the 5 seconds. I try to do the same, but um, no. I flopped against it like a beached whale. Sam tried and failed, too. I decide to help boost Sam over, cheerleader pyramid style. I put one knee down to make a base for her, and then cupped her heel in my hands to boost her up. How did it end? Her laying flat on the top of the wall with me pushing on her butt. Wowzers. Then I still couldn't get myself over. Courtney had to just BACK over the wall and push my big ol' butt over. HA!

Sometimes it gets REALLY hot ,and sometimes I get REALLY thirsty.
I used to stink at hydrating. Of course, black out in a race and have to spend $1000 on medical bills and one will learn the ins and outs of hydrating quite quickly. BEFORE the big Pensacola meltdown, I would rarely carry water. Yes, very stupid. I live in one of the hottest/most humid places in the country. Duh. Anyway, on a 10 miler a few summers ago, I got ridiculously thirsty. I would've drank water out of a puddle. We actually stopped at a bank (it was closed) and tried to turn on their outside faucet. Unfortunately, no luck. Then we noticed a group of bottles under a bench. We were pretty sure the cyclists had left them there, as we had passed a huge group earlier. So, I did what any dehydrated, deranged runner would do. I stole the cyclists' water. Actually, one of bottles had some sort of sports drink. No worries, though. I didn't want to rob any of them of hydration, so I took one drink out of each bottle. Wowzers, and they had those really nice insulated bottles; so the water was still cold. True story. We also have the luxury of running through a resort each Sunday. Last summer we pulled off the path for a few moments for one of our guys to retie his shoes, and I discovered where the lifeguards stash their cooler. At this point in time, I had begun carrying a bottle for long runs, and we hit the resort at the perfect time to fill our bottles with the watered-down Gatorade. Of course, joke was on us when they put All Sport in there on week, and we spent 5 miles belching back to the pier.

Brad and Larry have gas. A lot of gas. And they just let it go like it's nothing. I, on the other hand, will run miles and mile with stomach pain in order to NOT embarrass myself on the run. During Mardi Gras, Brad's wife fixed beans and rice like every day. That was not fun. Larry's wife owns an ice cream shop. That explains that. And they think it's awesome to do it while we are running in a close pack and right in front of me! Courtney bought some Flarp at Walmart and gave it to me as a gift. Flarp is this squishy stuff in a little canister that sounds like a toot when you squish it. I hid it under my shorts and took it on a group run. I went right behind a guy from our group, Tracey, and started squishing it. Of course, at this point, I was laughing so hard that I could hardly run. The girls were about to DIE laughing, and Tracey made some snarky comment about me being immature. Wowzers, though, that was HILARIOUS!

Tied for vomit!
Kenny used to be the master of throwing up in our group. It seems he would spew nearly every LR. There is one particular story that stands out to me. We were doing a long run, and I was going to put some MP miles at the end. I asked him if he would do that, too, and pace me. (He's a 2:49 guy.) So, off we head, hammering back towards our cars. It was hot that day, early in the summer. We are about to pass this big group of girls walking/jogging. He says something about needing to dial it back. So I slow just a tad. We pass the girls and then Kenny comes to a complete stop and vomits EVERYWHERE, projectile. The girls are right there, screeching and laughing. It.was.hilarious. Of course, we did the Milk Mile and he ran something crazy like mid 5s and didn't puke at ALL. I do think I have him beat now, thanks to Pensacola pacer, puking in the tutu and my recent christening of San Diego.

We all have terrible running form!

I really wish I could explain this picture, but my explanation would never do it justice. This is what it is. My running form at its peak. And then there's this.

There I am again, this time sporting my favorite company- Brooks!

When it comes to running, we are nutso!
Sam convinced me to do some scavenger hunt thingie after a 16 miler once. It was weird. We didn't have bikes; so we had to run the bike portion. Then we had to do all these weird tasks, including a wheel barrow race where Sam's husband screamed at me to go faster and at her to hold my legs higher. LOL. We still won.

I rarely get injured, haven't been injured in years. However, I do get sick. And when I get sick, it isn't just a common 3 day cold. It's usually pretty brutal. And yet I run through it. Don't be hating on me, though, because EVERY runner I know tries to run through injuries. They will show up in KT tape up to their face, limping 10 minute miles just to get a run in. All the while, I'm coughing so hard that I pull an ab muscle and bust blood vessels in my eyes. The things we do...

Which leads me to one of my besties famous quotes, "Running is like an abusive boyfriend. It will physically abuse some and emotionally abuse some." Then there are those days that the boyfriend is all sweet with hugs and kisses, and life is grand again.

Here's to more fun times, fewer tears and more of this.


  1. This. is. HILARIOUS!!!

    Thanks for sharing!

  2. By the way, LOVE, LOVE your new background. Makes me want to change mine too.

  3. Freakin hilarious!!

    Who knew a set of steak knives, a lemon, and an aero helmet created the perfect running form...for you at least!!

    Here's to being weird, obnoxious, and sometimes rather gross-runners wouldn't have it any other way!

  4. Awesome! And I came here to finish your last post since I was reading it on my phone when you posted and only made it a little ways before I had to stop. I like your posts like that...but I get deleting too. I do that all the time!! :)

  5. This is hilarious....I was reading it and laughing with my coffee this morning. So true!

  6. I like the redesign! Fun post! I cannot believe you stole the cyclist waters! Although desperate times call for desperate measures. . .