Are any of you completely comfortable and confident with yourself? If so, can I shake your hand? I think I can get over the crap that's happened in my life if I can just be okay with myself. No, let's change that "okay" to "good." I really hate mediocrity. I think one of the main things I don't like about myself is my dorkiness. It's like I never graduated from those awkward years of junior high geekiness.
About a month ago, I got this idea in my head that all the teachers at my school were going to become BFF. So, I organized a Bunco group. To my surprise 20 people signed up! That's almost half of our teachers! I decided to host the first one at my house this upcoming Tuesday. Well, my geekiness has really triumphed here b/c I have planned an entire Halloween themed evening. Decorations, food, and drinks ALL surrounding Halloween. Remember how I said I threw away all my holiday shirts? Well, apparently not. I found two more in another box- Halloween and Valentines. Hmmm, it IS a cute shirt, right? How can someone not think a glittered pumpkin is cute?
Also, about a week ago, there was an article in the newspaper from our Adventure race. That article had ONE photo from the race. That photo HAPPENED to picture me in my swimsuit top. The thing that irritates me about this is that I didn't even OKAY this picture, and I never would've. Also, one of my best friends is the editor of the paper. Well, to make matters worse, my coworkers teased me endlessly about the swimsuit photo. One teacher and I had this conversation:
Her: I saw your picture in the paper and it didn't even look like you!
Me: Yeah, awful, I know.
Her: You looked so athletic.
Me: So, I usually don't look athletic?
Her: Well, I just think your whole look screams schoolteacher.
Me: Oh, thanks?
Then I walked off. Nothing like a backhanded compliment to start your day off right.
I think what it boils down to is that we should all feel good about ourselves. For many people, this is lifelong battle. It's like life pressures people to be a certain way, depending on their circumstances. I'm a very conflicted person. Part of me LOVES the schoolteacher thing. I mean, it's what I've based my life around, how could I not love it? Another side of me wants to be that sophisticated sexy girl that men want. (Deep down, I don't think I really want this; I just know others do. Does that make sense?) Then the OTHER side of me (tripolar instead of bipolar) wants to be that skinny runner athlete girl.
So, for now it's time to just take a deep breath and be okay with my inner dork. Yep, Tuesday is going to be a huge geeked-out Halloween Bunco Bash. I will even iron and wear my pumpkin shirt!
Check back tomorrow for running stuff. I'm basically doing NOTHING this week, so I'm already drafting a summary of my running week and other running news.
I've also come to believe that it is in the face of adversity that one's true character, or lack thereof, is revealed. Adversity, while not pleasant or expected, gives us the choice to either sit and cower in a squalid cesspool of anger and self-pity and give up, or we can dare to step outside our comfort zones and use the challenges adversity brings to us as a tool of transformation met with silent and composed resiliency. ~Anita Fromm (Marathon & Beyond Volume 13, Issue 4)