October 24, 2009

Embracing True Self

Are any of you completely comfortable and confident with yourself? If so, can I shake your hand? I think I can get over the crap that's happened in my life if I can just be okay with myself. No, let's change that "okay" to "good." I really hate mediocrity. I think one of the main things I don't like about myself is my dorkiness. It's like I never graduated from those awkward years of junior high geekiness.

About a month ago, I got this idea in my head that all the teachers at my school were going to become BFF. So, I organized a Bunco group. To my surprise 20 people signed up! That's almost half of our teachers! I decided to host the first one at my house this upcoming Tuesday. Well, my geekiness has really triumphed here b/c I have planned an entire Halloween themed evening. Decorations, food, and drinks ALL surrounding Halloween. Remember how I said I threw away all my holiday shirts? Well, apparently not. I found two more in another box- Halloween and Valentines. Hmmm, it IS a cute shirt, right? How can someone not think a glittered pumpkin is cute?

Also, about a week ago, there was an article in the newspaper from our Adventure race. That article had ONE photo from the race. That photo HAPPENED to picture me in my swimsuit top. The thing that irritates me about this is that I didn't even OKAY this picture, and I never would've. Also, one of my best friends is the editor of the paper. Well, to make matters worse, my coworkers teased me endlessly about the swimsuit photo. One teacher and I had this conversation:
Her: I saw your picture in the paper and it didn't even look like you!
Me: Yeah, awful, I know.
Her: You looked so athletic.
Me: So, I usually don't look athletic?
Her: Well, I just think your whole look screams schoolteacher.
Me: Oh, thanks?
Then I walked off. Nothing like a backhanded compliment to start your day off right.

I think what it boils down to is that we should all feel good about ourselves. For many people, this is lifelong battle. It's like life pressures people to be a certain way, depending on their circumstances. I'm a very conflicted person. Part of me LOVES the schoolteacher thing. I mean, it's what I've based my life around, how could I not love it? Another side of me wants to be that sophisticated sexy girl that men want. (Deep down, I don't think I really want this; I just know others do. Does that make sense?) Then the OTHER side of me (tripolar instead of bipolar) wants to be that skinny runner athlete girl.

So, for now it's time to just take a deep breath and be okay with my inner dork. Yep, Tuesday is going to be a huge geeked-out Halloween Bunco Bash. I will even iron and wear my pumpkin shirt!

Check back tomorrow for running stuff. I'm basically doing NOTHING this week, so I'm already drafting a summary of my running week and other running news.

I've also come to believe that it is in the face of adversity that one's true character, or lack thereof, is revealed. Adversity, while not pleasant or expected, gives us the choice to either sit and cower in a squalid cesspool of anger and self-pity and give up, or we can dare to step outside our comfort zones and use the challenges adversity brings to us as a tool of transformation met with silent and composed resiliency. ~Anita Fromm (Marathon & Beyond Volume 13, Issue 4)

9 comments:

  1. Hi! Thanks for adding me to your Fun Girls list. I admit I've read your blog for awhile before I started commenting (found it through RW forums). I think you are an awesome runner, through all the ups and downs, and I look forward to reading about your future successes.

    Also- and I obviously wasn't there to read body language or tone of voice- but it sounds like the other teacher wasn't trying to give you a backhanded compliment. I think she was trying to give you a genuine compliment about your athletic abilities, and just didn't do a good job of it.

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  2. we went to samford...we are dorks. but i'm okay with that.

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  3. i am never 100% confident with myself and often have split ideas of what i think i should be (like your tri-polar personality haha) but i think that i'm going to stick with my inner dork because it's me :)

    i'm also trying to realize and recognize that when ppl give backhanded compliments it means that they're jealous of something i have. prolly the case with you and the coworker because youre a BAMF!

    and glitter pumpkin shirt = totally cool with me :)

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  4. I don't have a clue what a Bunco is. As for being confident with myself and who I am, some days I am, some days I am not. Depends on the company I am with or what I am doing and where I am at.

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  5. Us ladies get to be all sorts of characters whenever we feel like it, that's the fun about being a woman! "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan..." That song's right on.

    Embrace the schoolteacher, adore the athlete, be the vixen if you feel like it, if not...that's cool too. But don't put yourself into one little box, you won't fit.

    And I also think the coworker was being very complimentary, do you maybe wear very modest clothing when you're not being adventure chick? I have a feeling the answer is yes, especially if you own holiday shirts. ;-) I'm sure she was just surprised as anyone to see how well you're built and unless you flaunt it occasionally, nobody could know.

    What is Bunco?

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  6. Somebody told me today:

    "Don't worry about the people who judge you. Let those who judge worry about it themselves.

    And don't judge the people who judge."

    I know far too well how hard is is to actually live these words - I'm going through it myself right now.

    But it truly is only your life to live. There is no wrong or right. There is just living in the now and being. The answers are all inside you LA - you just need to breathe and listen to it.

    Have yourself a great week off running. Kick back with a glass of wine, some chocolate and a cheeky movie.

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  7. Hi, everyone! Bunco (also Bunko) is a mindless dice game revolving around luck. It involves zero skill and is played for total social purposes. This town is so small that I have to MAKE my own fun- bunco and bridge (card game), my two favorite girly experiences!

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  8. I agree with Flo, don't try and fit into one box. People will always have observations, cirtisisms, etc. It really is more about someone trying to make themselves feel okay with what you are doing by categorizing or critiising it.

    I would vote to be the best Rebecca that you can be and that means a little dash of all of the personalities. Most people are suprised when they meet me with the random things I've done, my random knowledge, etc. I think you are too amazing to be one type of person, you have too much to share with the world.

    CJ

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  9. I think it's an inherent female characteristic to NOT have 100% confidence in ones self! I think what "makes" a person is the combo of all the things they love. There is no reason you can't be that skinny running school teacher sexy sophisticated chick :)

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